6 Perks to Being a Young Mom

So I’m not even 25 and I have 3 kids.  Some people might read that and be like, “Okay, so what?”  Other people are flabbergasted.  It really depends on your circle and your own personal beliefs on whether being a young mom is the norm or not. 

My oldest was born when I was 14, so I’ve had comments all over the place about that, because most people just assume I’m the one who birthed him and that I was got pregnant at 14.  Not that, even if that were true, that gives them anymore right to their sometimes rude comments and assumptions.

Being a young parent can be crazy, but definitely has its perks.

1. I’ll be a young grandparent.

Unless all 3 of my kids wait a really long to have kids, I’ll have grandkids by my early to mid 40s, if not sooner.  I think it’ll be great to be that young and, most likely, still have my health and the energy that I currently know it takes to interact with little ones!  I’ll be able to play with them and babysit them and all around enjoy them in a way that I might not be able to if I was older.  This is probably even more true for great-grandchildren, which I’ll probably have a few of by 60 to 65.  Basically, it’s great to know I’ll likely see several generations of my family in my lifetime!

Related Post: 21 Ridiculous Things All Parents Say

2. I have the energy now!

Kids are exhausting regardless of if you have one when your 19 or when you’re 40.  I get that.  I just can’t help but think about all the effects of aging on the body I keep learning about in my pre-nursing classes, though.  The truth is, I’m young now and taking advantage of the perks of youth by pouring my life and energy into motherhood and other things (marriage, college, etc); instead of taking it one life step at a time.

3. We grow and learn together.

I have the opportunity to grow and learn with my kids.  All parents change from the people they were before children, but I mean this in a different sense.  I’m still in school and can relate to my children in that aspect and I’m still developing as a person and I’m not so set in my way.  I feel like my children have a lot of opportunity to see me mold into the person I will eventually be, and I hope it can be comforting to them as they grow and learn about themselves and who they are.

Related Post: Relieving Pregnancy Pains Without Medication

4. I can relate to them!

It hasn’t been that long since I was a kid, even if some days it feels like an eternity.  I feel like I can more closely relate to my children, their experiences, and how they’re feeling because there really isn’t a huge time gap between my childhood and theirs.  Heck, sometimes I still get called a “baby” by coworkers or others that are part of similar life experiences as me but older.

I’ll be a young empty nester.

So when my youngest turns twenty-one, I’ll only be forty-three years-old!  That’s so young!  Now who knows if my nest will be totally empty by then, because kids don’t just magically disappear at the age of 18 and phase into adult life and their adult homes.  I’m just imagining that my husband and I will both be able to enjoy each other and just whatever stuff we want to to do still because we’ll be pretty young!

5. I have time to return to my career.

If I want to take time off to dedicate to moming or just to have a break from pursuing my career goals, I’m still young enough where, theoretically, returning to the workforce shouldn’t be as challenging as if I were older; if for no other reason than I have plenty of time to rebuild momentum.

Related Post: 10 Chores for Toddlers

6. I’m still kind of cool, right?

I’m not totally out of sync with what’s currently trending.  And even if I am, it’s probably because that’s how I’ve always been without caring much for what’s currently “cool.”  So, this one is more of a joke than anything, because I’m a mom now, so I’m sure I’m definitely not “cool” and haven’t been for a long time.

I’m not sure if there is a perfect time to conceive, socially or biologically.  There are all kinds of studies that have produced varying data and come to all kinds of conclusions.  So, basically, do whatever works for you, right?

Are you a young mom or did you wait to have kids?  What prompted you to be one or the other?

A Surrogate Birth Story

It’s been three days since the beginning of the end of my first journey as a surrogate (when I wrote this).  On Friday, October 7th, 2016, I was 39 weeks pregnant with a baby boy whom I had no genetic relation and soon he would meet his dads for the first time!  Myself, my husband, and Baby’s parents were anxious and nervous in our own rights.

At my 36 week check up, we discovered that Baby was still breech.  He never did turn and the decision was made to have a scheduled c-section.  This was all new territory for me.

First time surrogate. Different OB provider and hospital from my previous pregnancies.  First breech baby.  First c-section.

This was shaping up to be a very trying group of first time experiences that had me relieved that we were nearing the end of our journey but also nervous.  The expecting parents arrived weeks in advance and were basically just bored and waiting around for Baby to arrive.

Their presence caused me—mostly self-inflicted—extra pressure, but I finally let myself be honest with them that I was exhausted and had a lot going on the last few weeks before delivery.  I was still trying to maintain being a halfway decent mother and wife.  They were totally understanding, per usual.

My husband absolutely sucks at saying all the right things, apparently, and I think I should have probably banned him from commenting on the whole procedure leading up to it.  Looking back, I’m fairly certain he was nervous himself and word vomiting not-funny-jokes related to the birth and what it was going to be like.

Related Post: Surrogacy: Getting Started

At 7:50AM, two blocks from the hospital, I get a phone call from the woman who would be my nurse for the day to come. 

“Amanda, are you coming to your scheduled c-section today?” was her question. 
“All of my paperwork said to arrive at 8AM.  I’ll be there in about 5 minutes.” I confirmed and we disconnected.

My husband and I laughed and considered all the alternative answers.  Had people actually decided not to show up for a scheduled c-section before?  The labor and delivery unit had been expecting me at 7:30AM, apparently.

We arrive at the same time as the expecting dads and make our way upstairs to labor and delivery, where we are shown to my room.  My c-section is schedule for 9:30AM.
It’s almost time.

Here We Go!

The next 90 minutes are a whirl of personal questions—mostly for me, but some for the dads—and prepping for surgery.  I am wearing an always-fashionable hospital gown, surgery cap, my glasses and an IV in my forearm.

The anesthesiologist is a curt Asian man whos social skills left something to be desired.  He’s telling me about long lasting pain relief and side effects and benefits and I’m signing consents, while my husband is being given what I lovingly call the ‘bunny suit.’

Then the nurse is putting the ugly, tan no-slip hospital socks on my feet and I’m walking across the hall to the OR.

There are already several people in there, and I sit on the edge of the OR table as everyone bustles around preparing.

I’m nervous.

There’s a lot going on, though, and Mr. Personality—the anesthesiologist—soon is giving me the spinal pain medication. 

Back of knees against the OR table.
Hunch over.
Hold still.
Here come’s the stick and burn.
Done.

In just a few short seconds, my feet are warm and tingly.  It’s time to lie down, which I do mostly unassisted.  Someone is placing my legs for a catheter, while someone else is instructing me where to put my arms.  I don’t need to have them dangling over the side like that. 

Related Post: What is a surrogate mother?

Nurse R. mentions that with everything going on at once, I don’t get time to be nervous.  She’s right, and I’m thankful.  Another nurse and I chat about surrogacy.

I briefly register and find some humor in the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m exposed to all 100 people in the room and I could care less.

I’m nauseous.
So nauseous.

Even with all that has happened, it’s really only been mere minutes—maybe 5?—since I got the spinal.  I tell them I’m feeling very nauseous and the OR Mom—or maybe ‘the gofer’ is a better term, I had been jokingly told earlier—stands next to the side of my head with a green barf bag.  Mr. Personality gives me a dose of Zofran in my IV.

I spend the next few minutes imagining having to suffer through an hour of being sick to my stomach and, surely…eventually barfing all over myself.  Because how does someone even barf to the side of their face while lying flat on an OR table without it being an awful, miserable mess?  They don’t, right?  It simply can’t be.  Just great!

Oh and the nausea is gone.  Thank god!

OR Mom can go back to goffering and Mr. Personality is wrapped in a warm blanket somewhere—yes, literally—and Dr. B is in the room now.  I’ve been wiped with iodine and there’s a tarp in my way.  Hubby is in his bunny suit next to me.

Then There Was Baby

A large part of me had been very thankful that Mr. Personality hadn’t felt comfortable with any extra people in the room, because I was nervous as heck.  However, I realize around this time how little I actually care now that everything is started—I think they’ve started, right?—and am a little sad that the expecting parents are anxiously waiting in their own room for Baby to be brought to them.

I talk to Daniel, my husband, for distraction.  Part of me is a little worried about focusing too much on what is going on.  What is going on, anyway?  I really can’t tell.  Between the pain meds and the tarp, it really is hard to tell.

I ask Daniel if he’s going to watch.  Yep.  He’s sitting on a stool next to my head.  He’s too short to simply stretch his neck and look over the tarp.  He makes a joke about it.

I can feel movements and I’m listening to comment being made on the other side of the tarp.  Daniel is standing now, watching.  Nurse R., who’s also in charge of taking photos for the parents, tells Daniel he has to sit back down if he starts to feel faint.  He says he will, bot not to worry because he’s not going to pass out.

Related Post: Surrogacy: Compensation

There’s a brief discussion of all the people who she’s seen pass out, including doctors.  I can feel movement—that’s Baby, wiggly ‘til the end—pressure and tugging.  It’s very weird and literally feels like a baby is being pulled out of your insides…y’know, minus any pain you might expect to be associated with such a thing.  Who would have thought, right?

Here we go.  Baby comes out butt first. Oh, he must be big.  They’re all commenting on it.  His head is briefly “stuck.”  And he’s out…I guess.  I can already tell my stomach feels deflated.  There’s some suctioning going on.

Baby starts crying at some point.  I can tell Daniel is glowing and grinning even though he’s wearing a surgical mask.  I tease him and tell him he’s weird.  He tells me that Baby is cute.  I can’t tell because Daniel’s arm is in my way.

He sits back down.

There’s a chubby cheeked, pink baby boy across the room being evaluated by nursing staff and a nurse practitioner.

Yep, he’s definitely cute.

Dr. B. is guessing he’s around 9 pounds, but Daniel doesn’t think he’s as big as Luna, our daughter, was.  She was 9 pounds, 3 ounces.  I tell him I think Baby is probably close.

Recovery

Dr. B. is putting me back together.  It’s…different…then the taking apart process.  It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t feel very good either.  Just…weird.

Someone—maybe Dr B.—makes a comment about how most people get nauseous at this part and how good I’m doing.  I break the news that I got Zofran about 7 minutes after I entered the room, so I’d already been there, done that.

Oh.  And we’re done.

I’m being slid onto my bed.  I get rolled around some—this is weird because I’m usually the one rolling people around—and they put the abdominal binder on me.  I like the way it feels immediately.

Related Post: 20 DIY Baby Shower Gifts

Back to my room we go.

The next few hours all blur together, mostly.  My pain is very well controlled, minimal even.  Nausea is awful and it takes a while for me to not be lightheaded anytime I’m sitting up even a little bit.  At some point I become itchy.

I have some brunch and a second dose of Zofran.  I keep saying I’ll take a nap and don’t.  I don’t see Baby and his dads until mid afternoon, sometime after I’ve pumped the first dose of colostrum for the little guy.

Bed Time Expectations vs Realities

Bed time.  You know…  That glorious time of the day where your children fall into their innocent dreams and you finally get some much needed peace, quiet, and alone time—probably at the expense of your own sleep.  Yeah, well, I hate bed time, and I know I'm not the only one.
Sure, some nights are exactly like that mom fantasy.  Some nights the kids are even asleep early enough where I’m not sacrificing too many winks of my own for a little me time.  However, there are many nights (like tonight) that I loathe bed time.

Related Post: Tips to Maintain Your Love Life After Kids

We shared a bed with our youngest for most of her infancy and a large majority of her toddlerhood.  She’s two and half now and still sleeps with us…whenever.  There’s no real “rule of thumb” here for whether or not that’s happening one night a week or all seven.

Sometimes my expectation for bed time are met, but with three kids, it feels like there’s always that one that has to make it difficult at the end of the day when I’ve almost hit my max moming limit or it’s a day I just really need the munchkins to go to sleep.

Here are some expectations versus their alternate realities at my house.

Cosleeping Expectation

Toddler and I (and maybe one or both of the boys) snuggle in together and loll into a dreamy, loving sleep surrounded by those we love.

Cosleeping Reality #1

Toddler rolls around for 30 minutes, cries about not being able to find her cup of water, kicks me in the rib cage, argues over whose pillow she’ll sleep on (mommy’s or daddy’s), and an hour later I’m wondering why I didn’t just put her in her own bed and will I ever get to sleep?
Related Post: Today I Was a Bad Parent

Cosleeping Reality #2

All of #1 plus add in one or two more kids, being hot and squished and possibly peed on and really thinking that going and sleeping on the boys’ bunk bed is a better idea.

Crib Sleeping Expectation

Put toddler in her bed with her sippy cup of water, pillow, blanket ,and probably a baby doll.  Sit in chair next to crib for 10 to 30 minutes while she settles and falls asleep, possibly requiring you to hold her hand.

Crib Sleeping Reality

Toddler cries because she wants her sippy cup (it’s right next to her).  She practices her awesome jumping skills.  She might even be quiet for forty five minutes but starts crying the second I exit the room.  An hour and a half later and I wish I would have just waited an hour to put her to bed.

Older Kids Bed Time Expectation

Tell six and ten year old boys to go to bed.  They have bunk beds but prefer to share a bed and will chat for awhile before falling asleep.

Older Kids Bed Time Reality

Wrestlemania is happening but only after each have taken their turn peeing, getting a drink, interrupting you trying to put the toddler to bed, and so on.  They are acting like they each just had an energy drink and being so loud you have to separate them to their own beds as punishment, but in 45 minutes they’ll come ask to be reunited and actually go to sleep like you told them to the first time.

Related Post: 6 Tips for Promoting Tummy Time

When it’s good, it’s great.  But bed time can be a real PIA and days like today, I’m feeling the struggle.  I just want to say forget it and let them run rampant until they’re exhausted and we all pass out.  Unfortunately, I have to be up at 5AM and bed time has to happen.

Bed Sharing Safety Tips

Bed sharing, a lot like breastfeeding, is still a very taboo parenting choice in many Western countries.  Of course, this is when you’re out in public or talking to your pediatrician.  The reality is, a lot of parents have shared sleeping space with their infant, toddler, or older child…probably quite a few times!

It’s one of those parenting choices that comes with so much judgement!  Also, everyone seems to be an expert and there’s so many conflicting facts and even more opinions, that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and maybe even guilty.

The most important thing…

The most important thing I can say and stress is that parents who bed share should do so intentionally!  Many dangers can be eliminated simply by making the intentional choice to bed share—sometimes called co-sleeping, though co-sleeping can be room sharing or bed sharing.
Related Post: 6 Ways Babies Benefit from Babywearing

Safe sleep surface

If you’re going to host the family bed, then the bed needs to be safe for your little one.  Eliminating risks of entrapment, suffocation, and falls is the priority here.

1. Take your bed off its frame, so it’s closer to the ground.
   
2. Make sure you have a firm mattress.
   
3. Keep room at a comfortable temperature, so you can eliminate excess blankets, pillows, etc.
   
4. Pull bed away from wall and remove other risks that might provide opportunity for baby to become trapped.

Don’t be a risk factor!

Part of being an intentional bed sharer is knowing what conditions and choices can make it inappropriate and, most importantly, dangerous for you to sleep with your baby.

1. If you’re under the influence of alcohol or drugs (including many prescription drugs), then you shouldn’t bed share with your infant.
   
2. If you’re obese, then it can be dangerous to share sleeping space with your baby.
   
3. If you’re overtired, your child is safer sleeping solo.
   
4. If you’re a smoker, you shouldn’t sleep with your baby because of the increased risk of SIDS.

Never ever, ever…

Couches, loveseats, recliners, etc. are never a safe place for baby to sleep.  This is true for parents who sleep with their babies, as well.  There are lots of reasons, but at least one is all the crevices where baby can slip or slide and become stuck and strangle, suffocate, etc.

Where to learn more?

If you want more information about bed sharing, room sharing, co-sleeping, or just are seeking general knowledge about family sleeping arrangements, then here are three links that can help you!

• KellyMom on Co-sleeping and Bed Sharing—Includes an abundance of links to other resources, as well.
  
• University of Notre Dame Mother-Baby Sleep Lab—Has lots of info, as well as guidelines about sharing sleeping space
  
• James McKenna and FAQs about Co-sleeping

Related Post: 10 Awesome Pieces of Parenting Advice
There is no one “right” way to do this parenting thing, so if you’re considering bed sharing or maybe bed sharing has chosen you, then safety is what is important!  Finding what works for your family is what’s important and remembering that all children are different is helpful, as well.
Nothing in this post constitutes medical advice and I’m not give medical or “professional” information.  I’m simply a mom sharing info with others who, hopefully, find it useful and thought provoking.
We love bed sharing in our home, but it’s been different with each of our kids.  How do sleeping arrangements work in your home?

Subscribe via E-mail

Follow Me

Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest

Lego, Minecraft, Playdoh Charlotte Mason Inspired Narration Cards

This year is our first year homeschooling.  The “meat” of our curriculum comes from Build Your Library, a secular and literature based curriculum that is inspired by the Charlotte Mason style of teaching.

Included in the curriculum your purchase are a wonderful collection of narration cards for your kids to draw or choose from.  My kids really love Minecraft, Legos, and Playdoh, so I’ve created 20 more cards to go with the ones included in our Build Your Library curriculum.

I print mine on bright colored cardstock and laminate them.  Then I cut them up for the kids to choose from on days we’re doing narration.

These could be used separately from the Build Your Library curriculum.  They’re straightforward enough to be used in any homeschooling environment.  Simply have a child do his daily readings—or you read to them—and then draw a card.  You might get:

Build your favorite character’s home in Minecraft.

It’s fun and helpful to have discussions before, during, and after these kinds of activities to help build on what the child heard, remembers, learned, feels, thinks, etc.

>> CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD PDF FILE <<

Subscribe via E-mail

Follow Me

Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest